Entering toddler stage- learning to walk

One small, wobbly step at a time, I can walk without support.  I have gone from infant stage where I can only lay in bed and slowly get around if I had a wheelchair, walker, or crutches to now being more mobile and able to walk on my own!  Enter toddler stage...

So, I'm at about 3.5 months since the injury and feeling really good.  I just got cleared from the doctor that everything looks good and to keep working hard.  Last check in with the doc, three weeks ago, I was told I had to gain another 10-15 degrees of flexion or I'd have to go back to the hospital for an epidural and force the knee to bend.  I knew that wasn't the direction I wanted to go.  I could feel the knee was feeling good but the ankle and hip were holding me up.  I kept getting stuck around 115 degrees of flexion and I needed to be at 125 to pass.  Continued with 3-4 hour therapy sessions and worked hard at home.  This past week the doctor said everything looks good, phew!

I didn't realize how much stress I was holding over this anticipation.  The last few weeks I haven't felt well- mentally stuck, energy low, not hungry.  Medicine is a bit to blame but I learned it was the possibility of going back to the hospital that was weighing me down.  Such a relief because I knew forcing it wasn't going to help.  I've had mom video me in many different movements and I'd watch and correct my form.  I was given a mobility device to use at home to help stretch and it caused quite the panic attack at first.  Way to similar to the rods that are only a recent past and putting this thing back on my leg was not easy.  Mentally overcame that fear and now I use this daily and it's really helped teach the knee that it's alright to bend. It looks scary, but it just holds my leg wherever I crank it to, no pain.

The leg is healing well.  Scars are less dramatic, swelling is minimal, and muscle tone is coming back; no longer a leg filled with just water.  No more stitches, staples, tape, or band-aids holding my leg together.  In total, 12 scars that are healing.  11 on the right leg, the one on the left is the most stubborn one.  The pictures below, the first one is 24 hours after meniscus surgery.  The second is current, now 7 weeks from the first picture (first is taken from ankle view, second is from hip view)

I'm off all medicine. I can comfortably sit in a chair, but I am quickly exhausted with much activity. In therapy I can ride the recumbent bike slowly.  I can use very light weight on the leg press and leg curl machines.  Walking on the treadmill has good and bad days.  My knee is really loosening up but the muscles are so weak that I get a lot of popping and shifting.  Biggest problem is the inability to lift my foot up behind me.  It just won't move.  I can pull it up more using other methods, but my own standing strength is not enough. Muscles freak out, there's too much to coordinate so it just stops.

Muscles hold on to trauma so while I am doing stretches and movements that help, the muscles have to learn that the trauma is gone and movement will not cause injury.  This has been a mental battle just as much as physical. There's the stress of the actual injury and the stress of life.  I've carried a lot of stress with knowing how many people I let down and I'm working on letting that go.  So many great things were just taking off and it came to a crashing halt, I apologize again to the many people that saw me at my worst as a first impression. I'm sorry I couldn't be there to follow through on many great plans.  I'm sorry I left everyone without a fitness plan when so many were doing great and coming without making excuses.  I'm still fighting with the city over the dream spot we lost (because there's currently a gym in that spot-furious!) and there's so much anger and frustration over how I was forced out of business. I have to let go of stress that is out of my control and that takes time, meditation and focusing on moving forward.  I am so thankful for everyone that continues with positive messages and words of encouragement.  Bye for now!

8 week healing update

This coming Tuesday 8/21/18 will be 8 weeks post injury.

Started with 10 days in the hospital.  I was first sent to one hospital where they reset my leg straight but still had poor blood flow.  Was then rushed to another hospital where I went right into surgery to repair the popliteal artery behind my knee.  As we have since learned, the doctors I had at Greenville were amazing.  Every nurse, doctor, medical professional since then has complimented the work done by those doctors and how rare it is that my kind of surgery ends with such good results and clean stitching.  I am so incredibly thankful for the medical team that was extraordinary in every way. 

I then had a long road trip to get home to Florida for a few days, only to pack up and drive to Indianapolis and then finally ending in Cincinnati, Ohio. All of that with the rods in my legs and not really sure of anything, other than take it one moment at a time.  For the most part I was comfortable in the car but the leg felt every bump, turn, stop, and hill along the way.  I was happy to be done with the road trips!  With the rods in I mostly just spent my days sitting or lying in bed.  My parents were in the middle of moving so there wasn't much for me to do... or to sit on. 

Pain and recovering is exhausting.  I am so thankful I am able to live at home with the constant support of my parents!  I have been able to not stress over life but just be present with healing.  The days with the rods were painful and exhausting.  Then with those out came three days a week at physical therapy demanding the leg come back strong and as quick as possible.  3-4 hour sessions, with a total drive time of an hour, and me getting around slowly makes those days pretty much done for.  I rehab and I eat a ton of healthy food, that's been all I can accomplish in a day.  Then when the doctors add other appointments on to my schedule there's anxiety around new people touching my leg.  There's always a worry with how it will feel.  There's been a lot of trauma to my right leg and even the thought of another person touching it can freak me out.  This past week I had to visit the hospital for a vascular ultrasound, then get to physical therapy.  The next day follow up with the vascular doctor then get to physical therapy.  Force myself to 90 degrees of flexion because that's what I needed before going into surgery.  Made it and felt happy about going into the operating room again... well, maybe not happy, but calm and confident for the next step.  Wednesday I had my fourth operation in 7 weeks.  That 90 minute procedure was to fix my medial meniscus and clean up the knee.  Thursday I was back in physical therapy.  Today, Friday I finally don't have to worry about going anywhere or anyone touching my knee!  (Just a lot of homework of bending and stretching)

Here's the great news-- I might be done with surgeries and on the road totally recovery!!

It just so happens that one of the best knee surgeons in the country works about 30 minutes from where I've set up home. With his medical team and physical therapists, they know what to do to achieve the best success.  When he went in to repair the meniscus it was too far gone to repair so part of it had to be removed, but everything is still just fine.  He was able to clean up a lot of scar tissue and got a good look at the structure of the knee.  We were certain I was going to need complete reconstruction of my lateral ligaments and it turns out, I will not!  Mother nature has worked her wonders and I've healed incredibly well.  The doctor said almost everyone with this injury will eventually have really bad arthritis and need a complete knee repair later in life.  He told my mom that my knee looks great and that will not be the case for me!  I am in the top 5% or better for this type of injury and recovery.  He made it very clear how lucky I am that I did not lose my leg (because initially they couldn't promise me anything going into that first surgery).  And he stressed how lucky I am that more of my knee did not tear.  He is surprised by how well everything looks and he's been doing this a long time!

This is my leg currently.  The left leg has a scar about 8" long, it's healing slowly.  The right leg, big scar on the back of my leg that's healing well.  The calf stitches are finally out and should heal up really well.  The four puncture holes from the rods are closed and almost healed.  I have four new cuts on my knee from the scope with a stitch in each so I'm not completely put back together yet, but these new holes are nothing to what I've had to deal with so I'm feeling great!

And this is me trying to breathe through the flexion test 24 hours after meniscus surgery.  I got to 84 degrees which is excellent for me.  However, when we told the doctor that he said, "no good, she can do better."  haha, well alright, tell my pain level that.  Doctor was easily able to get my leg to 120 degrees of flexion during the repair which is also great news that structurally there's nothing limiting me to returning to awesome.  Just have to tell my tiny and very tight quad to calm down and life is good.  I'm 50% weight bearing and will soon be working on teaching the walking motion again!

I am so happy with this doctor, this hospital and the therapy staff.  I haven't even fully comprehended that there might not be any more surgery (possibility of a PCL repair in a few months). I know it sounds crazy to think that this injury was a blessing.  The trauma, the stress I've put on family members, the financial stress, the pain... there are many things that are not a blessing but in the big picture, there are many good things that have manifested from this.  Since this has happened though, I've only been given the best possible news. With each step and phase of healing I am reassured that things are going to turn out just fine.  Still plenty of hard work and pain to get through, but I am only focused on a strong recovery.