I am ready to quit, but I know I can't

I'm supposed to be writing the final blog on interval training, and yet, I can't seem to focus to get it finished.  The last few weeks have been challenging.  My mood, not great.  My motivation, not there.  My stress level, maxed.  Although, stress is only perceived by how I look at the situation, so it's really self-inflicted stress.  "I want to quit" has passed through my thoughts often this pass month.  I've spent the last two Sundays lying in a hammock by the water to force myself to calm down.  I should be doing other things, I have no time to sit, I should be out being social and doing weekend things.  The first Sunday did turn into a surprisingly socially fun day, but kind words from a stranger had me in tears and I unfortunately ruined a fun day.  I realize how guarded I am when people show me affection because someone genuinely caring catches me off guard.  I beat myself up for every missed or ruined opportunity (with kind strangers or friends).  The second Sunday was a much quieter day and I was at peace and happy for the first time in a long time.  The week between those Sundays was challenging and brought on unexpected changes... but all things that I realized were meant to be, even though I didn't have all the answers yet.

This month I've questioned "why?"  Why am I still living here?  Florida was never meant to be a permanent spot, I have a Colorado heart.  Why am I working so hard?  I can't even count the number of hours I work in a week.  Why did I think my ideas would be successful? Starting a second business before the first one is fully functional seems insane.  (Is it crazy that I already know my next project too?!)  You hear about all the failure to fame, broke to millions, zero to hero stories... but the one thing they all have in common... the story is complete.  It's easier to tell the story when you can prove you've "made it" and your ideas worked.  Nobody can tell the story as it's happening because it's just complaining, and there's no lessons to be learned in that.  Well, I haven't "made it" yet and I have no proof that my ideas will work.  I do know I am stressed and feel differently than I have.  There's something different, something changing.  I want to quit, I want to lay in a hammock all day with no responsibilities, I want to escape to the mountains and ride my bike all day.  I guess I just need a vacation; which luckily is only a few weeks away.



What would be lost if I quit?  That whole pile of diamonds would be gone.  I know I can't see how many more hits I have to take before I see a diamond, but I do know quitting is not an option.  It's only failure if you give up and I could never live with myself if I quit on myself.  I haven't failed but I have learned many lessons.  I can't quit because I know the stress I'm feeling now means that big changes are coming and I have to stick it out.  I can easily see why people give up on businesses and dreams, but I am not someone that ever will.  My heart knows what's right and I've learned to listen to it.  I've learned the meaning of "having faith" and the power of knowing I don't have to do everything myself.  Sometimes just sitting and asking for help and answers has brought me everything I need. I am really good at internalizing stress and not dealing with it.  I fear I'm not allowed to show a bad mood, or that I'm done and want to give up, or that I'm not positive all the time.  Truth is, this is hard. Really hard, but it doesn't have to be.  It's the journey that makes it all worth it.  I'm learning to speak up.  I'm learning to be tougher.  I'm learning what it takes to accomplish massive dreams.  I'm not perfect.  I haven't eaten much this month.  I don't have a consistent training plan.  I struggle with having people in my life and speaking clearly.  I've learned what panic attacks are and how to get myself out of them.  I've learned that I am happier doing exactly what I'm doing than anything else.  I just have to remember to be proud of myself and take time to acknowledge the work accomplished.  TNT has 12 months left on the lease, hard to believe it's been two years already.  Time to create the real facility now!  The new business will slowly take shape into whatever greatness it's growing.  I have full faith in myself that something great is just on the other side.  Maybe it's a diamond, maybe it's just clearing a better path.  Why am I still living in Florida?  Because the moments that make me stop and just smile let me know I'm right where I need to be.  Why am I working so hard?  Because I know my dream won't come true if I don't and I'm tired of waiting. Why did I think my ideas would be successful?  I've always been one to follow my heart and even more so now, I know I'm doing everything correctly, even if I don't get immediate rewards.

To anybody that is stuck, know that you don't have to stay stuck.  It's alright to be in a bad mood or stressed out, but don't take it out on yourself.  Be proud of who you are and live it up!  Don't change for anybody else's opinions or thoughts.  Do you and be awesome.  It's not always easy and there will be many ups and downs in life.  Learn to enjoy the journey because if you don't, you will have nothing when you get to the finish line.  And even more important, you'll probably never see your finish line if you're too busy saying "I'll be happy when..."  or "I'll make that change when..." or "I'll call that person when..."  Enjoy the journey!  It's been an interesting month, but it's just a change.  No reason to quit.  I encourage you to be your best!  Smile :)