So, I'm at about 3.5 months since the injury and feeling really good. I just got cleared from the doctor that everything looks good and to keep working hard. Last check in with the doc, three weeks ago, I was told I had to gain another 10-15 degrees of flexion or I'd have to go back to the hospital for an epidural and force the knee to bend. I knew that wasn't the direction I wanted to go. I could feel the knee was feeling good but the ankle and hip were holding me up. I kept getting stuck around 115 degrees of flexion and I needed to be at 125 to pass. Continued with 3-4 hour therapy sessions and worked hard at home. This past week the doctor said everything looks good, phew!
I didn't realize how much stress I was holding over this anticipation. The last few weeks I haven't felt well- mentally stuck, energy low, not hungry. Medicine is a bit to blame but I learned it was the possibility of going back to the hospital that was weighing me down. Such a relief because I knew forcing it wasn't going to help. I've had mom video me in many different movements and I'd watch and correct my form. I was given a mobility device to use at home to help stretch and it caused quite the panic attack at first. Way to similar to the rods that are only a recent past and putting this thing back on my leg was not easy. Mentally overcame that fear and now I use this daily and it's really helped teach the knee that it's alright to bend. It looks scary, but it just holds my leg wherever I crank it to, no pain.
The leg is healing well. Scars are less dramatic, swelling is minimal, and muscle tone is coming back; no longer a leg filled with just water. No more stitches, staples, tape, or band-aids holding my leg together. In total, 12 scars that are healing. 11 on the right leg, the one on the left is the most stubborn one. The pictures below, the first one is 24 hours after meniscus surgery. The second is current, now 7 weeks from the first picture (first is taken from ankle view, second is from hip view)
I'm off all medicine. I can comfortably sit in a chair, but I am quickly exhausted with much activity. In therapy I can ride the recumbent bike slowly. I can use very light weight on the leg press and leg curl machines. Walking on the treadmill has good and bad days. My knee is really loosening up but the muscles are so weak that I get a lot of popping and shifting. Biggest problem is the inability to lift my foot up behind me. It just won't move. I can pull it up more using other methods, but my own standing strength is not enough. Muscles freak out, there's too much to coordinate so it just stops.
Muscles hold on to trauma so while I am doing stretches and movements that help, the muscles have to learn that the trauma is gone and movement will not cause injury. This has been a mental battle just as much as physical. There's the stress of the actual injury and the stress of life. I've carried a lot of stress with knowing how many people I let down and I'm working on letting that go. So many great things were just taking off and it came to a crashing halt, I apologize again to the many people that saw me at my worst as a first impression. I'm sorry I couldn't be there to follow through on many great plans. I'm sorry I left everyone without a fitness plan when so many were doing great and coming without making excuses. I'm still fighting with the city over the dream spot we lost (because there's currently a gym in that spot-furious!) and there's so much anger and frustration over how I was forced out of business. I have to let go of stress that is out of my control and that takes time, meditation and focusing on moving forward. I am so thankful for everyone that continues with positive messages and words of encouragement. Bye for now!
