Non-typical Fitness Blog

To the friend I thought my kids would call Auntie one day-

So I stole that title from the link below.  When I saw it on Facebook, it was a story that was worded so perfectly I had to tell the friend it made me miss; but I didn’t have the courage to tag that friend, so I decided to write my own version.  I’m not confident in explaining myself and that story took the words right out of my heart.  This friend has had to read and listen to enough from me though, so I’ve decided not to tag her.  Maybe she will read this and understand.  For anybody else reading that owns a business and knows it comes with its own unique challenges, maybe you'll relate to this post.  And to the people that just want to read up on a little more about me, here’s my non-typical fitness blog.

I realized reading that story that I’m not as “messed up” as I thought.  I just miss my best friend and that’s ok.  I tend to blame myself and I do wonder if my lifestyle choice of focusing so intensely on my business has cost me some great friendships (and a husband who I have yet to find).

This is a story about friendships and business.  Friendships have always been hard for me.  I’m not here to complain, I know everybody has friendships go bad.  But for me, I’ve always wished I could keep at least one good one.  My first best friend lived a few houses down from me.  We played sports together, made up games with our brothers, ran around the neighborhood on our bikes and got in daily fights… only to be asking mom a few hours later if it’s ok to call her again.  Then one day in 7^th grade she cold-shouldered, stopped talking to me and I never understood why.   That trend would continue through many other friends throughout my life.  I went through high school without any close friends.  Even remember my friend I thought I was closest to, trying to sneak out during our lunch and ditch me (we could leave campus, we had a cool school).  I had some great friends in college (or so I thought at the time) but now looking back I see those were not true friendships either.  Friends that get more enjoyment out of putting you down are not true friends.  It wasn’t until I moved to St Pete that I learned what true friendship meant and I knew I was so lucky to find this special friend.  I met many great people here and that’s how I knew this would be my home.  While I no longer speak to those good friends, at least regularly, I know I’ve been blessed with true friendship and my standards are much higher now.  I won’t be around people that pull me down.  I have learned to value myself and see all the problems in the so called friends I had… thank you to my St Pete friends.

I’ve always been focused though on what makes me happy.  I don’t need social pressure to fit in, I don’t need to feel cool or do what everybody else is doing.  At my first college party I turned down alcohol and cigarettes cause I didn’t want it, it was that simple.  My friend did it literally cause everybody else was and that just never made sense to me.  I think it’s why I’m so good at owning a business.  While that can be read two ways, and I don’t mean the cocky “I’m amazing” version.  I mean, I don’t have a social life, I don’t have a husband, I don’t have kids so I can spend a lot of time growing my empire because I don’t need to be out socially drinking and getting hammered every weekend.  Don't get me wrong though, I still wish for a more exciting social life.  I don’t have confidence in my friendship abilities (or dating abilities apparently) but I do know I can control my business, so that’s why I focus so hard on that.  Everything comes with a cost though and while I sit at home building my dream and working hard, I’ve lost every friendship I’ve had.  Why- I’m not really sure.  Life happens I guess.  There are two sides to every story, so you’d probably have to ask them too.  But to my best friend that I thought I would never not be calling my best friend, this story made me realize that I do miss you and I’m so thankful for our many great memories. 

To the business side- I am so confident in what I’m creating that I keep my head down and work.  In high school, I said, “it would be cool to live in Florida.”  My friends also said that, but I knew I meant it and I made it happen.  I learned senior year of college I would one day have a business called Top-Notch Training… I made it happen!  I’ve had more doubt put on me than trust in starting the business and told “don’t do it” by many people over the years, but I have done it and I promise TNT is about to be huge!  And now I can say I own two businesses- welcome to the world Lax Performance Academy!  I know the dream in my head I’m reaching for and when I remind myself of that, I know it will all be worth it.  I don’t spend much time explaining myself anymore.  I know what’s in my heart.  I know what I can achieve and I don’t have to convince anyone, they can see it for themselves when it comes true.

To the friendships I may have lost, know that there’s only love in my heart.   And to my best friend, if you read the story, know that with a few specific details changed, those words were pulled right from my heart.  I miss you.

http://www.puckermom.com/relationships/to-the-friend-who-was-like-a-sister-to-me (also copied below)

"True friendship multiplies the good in life and divides its evils. Strive to have friends, for life without friends is like life on a desert island… to find one real friend in a lifetime is good fortune; to keep him is a blessing."

From day one we just kind of got each other... gurl, you had me at hello.

We went through every single stage together. From the nice stage where it was strictly all compliments and no teasing to the "hey you dickhead f*cking answer me,” to the literally no convo is off limits phase and then to the final phase where it went something like: “Yo I’m having dinner with your mom. Are you going to join us?"

You were literally my sister and thought that one day you'd even be my kid's super cool aunt. Never once through any of those phases, (even through our fight like a couple phase) did I think that there would come a day where we would no longer be best friends.

You changed my life.

You made me live in the moment, you tore down my walls. With you by my side, I felt like somehow everything was going to be okay; you believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. You brought out my Trap Queen confidence and made me not give a shit about what people thought.

You never let me self-deprecate. You told me when I was being a whiny bitch, needed to shut the hell up, and move on. I loved you for it.

There are a million things I never thanked you for.You were the one person who I relied on to tell me the things that I probably didn’t want to hear, but 100 percent needed to. Thank you for always making me come to my senses; when I missed that fuckboy, my friends would tell me to call him, while you would tell me: Fuck that asshole. Stab him. I’ll bail you outta jail. You saved me a lot of tears.

When I did cry, you knew exactly what to say to make me feel better, whether it was hating that person that did me wrong more than I did, making me realize that I was upset for nothing, or making me laugh through my tears, you just made everything suck a lot less.

You challenged me, you never tip-toed around me, our friendship was always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity, I realize now how rare that was.

Life got complicated.

This whole life ordeal got rough, things weren't as simple as they used to be when we were younger. It’s not that we gave up on our friendship, it’s just that certain circumstances happened.

But our friendship didn’t end because of a lack of love. I’ll always have mad love for you. That’s never going to change. When someone touches your heart, they will always have a place there.

I miss you all the time.

I always want to send you stuff because you’re the only who will understand. I check up on you from time to time to see how you’re doing, and you’re doing great, btw, like I knew you would. (Though we both know we would be killing the game twice as hard if we still had each other).

I said a lot of stuff I didn’t mean. But my anger was fueled by emotions, not by indifference. When you love someone like a sister, you also fight with them like a sister, and sometimes you’re both just too proud to give in.

I thought we’d glow old together bae, but sometimes, life has other plans. No matter what though, I’ll always love you. 

And don't worry, all that dirt I got on you when you were drunk is safe and sound. *Wink*